Oh, wait. You wrote under the heading "MISS YOU" the following men: Coach K, Jim Calhoun, Bob Knight, Jim Boeheim, Tom Izzo. That's kind of gay. But whatever. Let's move on.

You then had a heading called "UR GREAT." Uh-oh. And the first line under it is "Players The Minutes has a man-crush on this month." Egad.

But it gets worse! The next label is "YES OR NO?" Are you propositioning these young men, Pat? I think Dateline: To Catch A Predator might want to start hanging around Bristol.

I'm not sure how much more of this I can take, Pat. What's the next section of Valentine heart cuteness?

"HOT STUFF."

Hoo-boy. Among those listed under this section is Howie Dickenmen of Central Connecticut State. Please, Pat, please tell me you don't prank call poor Howie and asked, "Hey, have you ever had your dick-in-men?" before giggling unconrollably and hanging up.

What's amusing here is that after all of these sections, Forde adds one called "HOT-T," perhaps in an effort to balance things out, with one line under it: "That would be Minutes Girl Ashley Judd, a regrettable no-show in Rupp Arena Saturday night for Kentucky-Florida."

Could only muster up 19 words for chicks on Valentine's Day, eh Forde?