Brady Quinn Autobiographical Photo Essay

November 29, 2 Boiled Sports

Brady Quinn was kind enough to share an autobiographical photo-essay with us here at BS, on the day of his first start as QB for the Cleveland Browns.

Hi, I'm Brady Quinn. Man, am I gorgeous, or what? I knew the cameras were there on this day and while everyone else wore shirts, I knew what the people came to see. Did you know most sports photographers are male? I'm just saying.

I've heard people say this routine at my sister's wedding was a "cry for help." I don't know what people mean by that. The village people are awesome and perfectly normal to dress up as. I also love to just feel the music and dance dance dance... without any chicks near me.

Shoulder pads do nothing but get in the way. I never liked this pic much because you can't see my rippling chest... and what's better, photography-wise, than a rippling, manly chest? I also had that fake sweat put on my forehead for the photo shoot so it would look like I do more than hold a clipboard with a mirror on it during games. Do you know what the best part of getting sweaty is, though? Getting to go in and take a shower with my teammates. No chicks allowed!

I've heard that announcing your gayness (and by that I mean happy) subtly can be done by posing under waterfalls and other such "happy" scenarios. Man, I'm gorgeous. What am I looking at, you might wonder? Well, there was this really nice "grip" on the set. He couldn't have been more than 19. But he had an ass like a ten year old boy. Wait, what was the question?

You know, I don't mind when my likeness is used for advertising purposes, but you probably heard about how I got mad when this ad was all over the Internet. I mean, I was mad because they had no right to do this without my consent. (Truth is, though, between you and me, I was fine with it -- I just wish they'd used a better picture, but there I am gabbing on the phone with Jimmy Clausen. He's so silly.)

I get told all the time that I have the sexiest bed head. Still waiting to hear that in the huddle, though. Ahem.

Just floating around naked on a raft in Charlie Weis' pool. He fed me grapes later after bouncing them off my firm rear. All part of the deal when you're the QB of a program that won a bowl game as recently as 1994.

Remember the splashy water thing? Well, that's a theme I like to continue. Along with being shirtless and tossing a football. Honestly, I've thrown way more footballs in photo-ads than I have in the NFL.

People didn't seem to accept the fact that I was really ~~gay~~ happy and wanted everyone to know it, so I've gotten a little more demonstrative of the fact that I'm the ~~gayest~~ happiest quarterback in all the land. Here I am on a jetski with some random guys pretending to give a BJ. Nothing says "fun guy" like making BJ gestures around young men. You know what the best part of jet-skiing that day was? Showering with these dudes at the campground shower room. No chicks allowed!!

Sometimes I just make a really, really, really ~~gay~~ pose, like my patented puppy-dog, head-cock (whoops! I said "cock"!), while having my undies peeking out of my shorts. Chicks think it's so cute and they always want pictures. Probably to show their boyfriends. At least I hope so.

I'm really not sure what else I can do to prove my ~~gayness~~ happiness to you people. What do I have to do, grab some dude's beanbag and then telestrate it for you? Okay, fine, there you go.

Remember that "grip" I mentioned who was working on the set of that photo shoot? First off, I love that they call him a "grip" because, trust me, his grip was fantastic. Not as firm as mine, but pretty good all the same.

I have so many more photos I could share with you people, but I've got to go get back to reading the playbook for tonight's game. But here's another favorite of me with my shirt off around other dudes with no chicks in sight. And again, I'm on the horn with Jimmy. He's so silly.

No chicks allowed! Am I right?