Boilerdowd and I were discussing sports that are unwatchable and, naturally, the subject of the WNBA came up. There's probably not a bigger drain of money or a bigger producer of lackluster, un-entertaining "athletics" than women's basketball. Especially when it's purported to be "professional." Instead of going on about why it sucks (two-handed push shots, slow play, the fact that it looks like basketball under water), we've decided to ask a different question: What would make you watch it?
Well, I have an answer. And I think you'll agree and admit that you would watch something like this.
Andrew Bynum was hurt earlier this year for the Lakers, and I remember one week listening to talk radio, someone said he'd be ready to come back in about two weeks but had to get back into game shape. But how do you do that in a league that really has no minor leagues? If Derek Jeter needs to get back into game shape after an injury, he goes and plays for the Double-A Trenton Thunder (and bangs a groupie or two). But what would poor Andrew Bynum to?
What if his rehab included five games in the WNBA? Sure, sure, I know... the leagues run at different times (okay, maybe you didn't know that because you don't care about the WNBA, but their season is in the summertime). But for purposes of this argument, let's say they didn't.
What if when Stephon Marbury got picked up by the Celtics, they decided he needed some conditioning after not playing all season for the Knicks, and decided he should play ten games for a team in the WNBA?
How many points could Starbury score in a WNBA game? 70? Tell me you wouldn't honestly be curious.
And how many would a big man score? Imagine if Kevin Garnett needs to rehab this summer on his bum knee and is assigned to play 15 games for the Los Angeles Sparks. How many points could Kevin Garnett score against women? 80? Is there a limit? Wouldn't it be fun to see him thrown down on the girls as they scurry out of the way?
The best part about this is the feminists who accuse me (and those like me) of being sexist when we claim to not enjoy women's sports (when we actually dislike them because they're boring and not because they're played by women -- hey, I don't go watch 8th grade boys basketball, either) can't say anything. They think women are equal and deserve the same rights? Okay, well, then here you go -- here's the right go get posterized by Dwight Howard as he recoups from a hamstring strain. Have a ball with that.
Hey, WNBA, if you ever want to sell out a game and have people actually turn on the TV to watch, this is about your only option.