Gardner Webb, I don't know who you are, but apparently you're one hell of a basketball player. I heard that you dropped 84 on Kentucky last night and beat them by yourself. No matter how hard I look, though, I can't seem to find a picture of you. However, you've got a very WASP-y name, one that seems more suited to professional golf than basketball. I can just hear it:

"And today on the final day of the Masters, with just three holes to go, Gardner Webb leads Sergio by four shots..."

Are you tall? Fat? White? I wish I knew. All I do know is that you made Ashley Judd sad by single-handedly beating her Kentucky Wildcats.

Do you know what Adolph Rupp would say if he were alive today? Probably something like, "Help! Let me out of here! It's dark in this box!"

Regardless, Mr. Webb, I will be on the lookout for you and your team which, arrogantly, you've insisted on being named after you. I'll be watching at the draft next summer when hopefully the Knicks will have a shot at bringing you to New York to help bring some honor back to the franchise.

After all, if you can score 84 in a college game against Kentucky, who needs Kobe and his measly 81-point games?