I have no idea if we’ll do picks every week but we might. We’re still figuring things out around here. Maybe we’ll rotate each of us doing picks during the season. Maybe Tim and I will do NFL and boilerdowd will do college picks and then some weeks we’ll switch them up. Maybe we’ll do no picks. Maybe we’ll pick our noses. I don’t know.
But this week, I do know that I’m doing NFL picks. Why? Well, I’m in a weekly pool and my record thus far this season is 83-45 and I’m number 4 out of 45 competitors. So now I’m going to start making my picks public and we’ll see how I do. Oh, and I make straight picks, not against the spread.
PATRIOTS (-10.5) over the Jets. The Jets are 4-4 and I didn’t think they’d win four games all season (they are, however, cleared for takeoff). This game is in New England and the Patriots just got beat on Sunday night national television. To paraphrase Joe Theismann, “You don’t think Tom Brady is bother by that?? You don’t think Tom Brady wants to win this game??” (No, Joe, nobody said they think that. Please stop talking.)
EAGLES (-7.5) over the Redskins. The Redskins suck. They’re lucky to be 3-5 this season. Mark Brunell is a corpse. The Eagles are a good team playing like a bunch of idiots but they’ll win at home.
FALCONS (-8.5) over the Browns. The Browns aren’t very good. They might be heading in the right direction but it’s hard to tell. At least they have hot chicks tailgating at their games. Here, the Falcons will win a home game against a team they should beat and Monday morning we get to again here how Michael Vick could be the greatest QB ever. (Main offenders: Mike and Mike in the Morning c/o ESPN Radio.)
Chiefs (-1.5) over the DOLPHINS. The Dolphins aren’t very good. They’re not as bad as they’ve looked, though. But Joey Harrington is their QB. Take a look at Joey Harrington’s career numbers and explain to me how he’s still a starter in this league. This is tough because I have to pick either a Harrington team or a Herm Edwards team and, no matter what people tell you, Herm is not a good coach.
VIKINGS (-5.5) over the Packers. Favre is done but he seems to be the only one who doesn’t know it yet. Well, him and John Madden. The Vikings are only mediocre but Favre will make the Vikes look like world beaters as he throws 3+ interceptions. Hey, come to think of it, let’s ask Brett: Brett, how many interceptions are you thinking of throwing in the Metrodome on Sunday? Oh, that doesn’t look like a good answer.
LIONS (-6.5) over the Santa Clara 49ers. The Lions are 2-6 and are favored by almost a touchdown. Really? I’m glad I don’t pick against spreads because that is bizarre. This is such an awful game… why am I devoting thought to it?
COLTS (-12.5) over the Bills. Why would you pick against the Colts at home right now? I mean, they’re going to lose a game or two, there’s no doubt, and this could very well be a trap game after their big win over New England last week. But I can’t pick against Peyton Manning, the best athlete/pitch man in the business. Plus, he looks handsome in a black wig and moustache.
Ravens (-7.5) over the TITANS. The Titans are terrible. The Ravens defense is excellent. Ray Lewis is reportedly questionable for the game so hopefully that means that, at the very least, we won’t have to see that ridiculously stupid dance he does during intros.
JAGUARS (-10.5) over the Texans. The Texans stink. The Jags are good. And at home. And the Texans blew a chance to beat the Giants in NJ last weekend so they’re probably all done.
BENGALS over the Chargers (-1.5). The Chargers are from San Diego where it’s warm and comfy, they lost their best defensive player to a suspension for, uh, supplement overusage, and they have a young QB on the road. In a cold, windy place like Cinci. Mitigating circumstances could be if the Bengals aren’t able to field a team because too many of their players are in the clink.
Broncos (-9.5) over the RAIDERS. Can we stop with people like Chris Berman and Mike Golic and Stu Scott saying “Raiiiiiiders” in that annoying way that nobody finds funny or entertaining or anything? Please?
Saints over the STEELERS (-4.5). Roethlisberger isn’t very good. He wasn’t good in the Super Bowl and he hasn’t been good this season. In between that, he’s smashed his head multiple times, including on a windshield and on the football field. I imagine he can’t remember what he wants from McDonalds, let alone a playbook.
Cowboys (-7.5) over the CARDINALS. The Cowboys aren’t good. And Matt Leinart is eventually going to put together a good game like he was starting to do against the Bears. Can’t you just see the Cowboys losing 21-10 while Bill Parcells looks like he’s going to vomit and TO stands there with his hands on his hips screaming at somebody? I can see it. But this is the Denny Green-led Cardinals and they are who we think they are. And that is: poopy.
Rams over the SEAHAWKS (-3.5). Yeah, I’m taking a road underdog. I’m stupid. But I think the Seahawks aren’t that good and I think the Rams are much better than people think. They should have beaten the Seahawks the first time they played. They will this time.
GIANTS (-3.5) over the Bears. Two weeks ago, Mike and Mike in the Morning and other idiots on ESPN were saying that the Bears would be double-digit favorites in every game they had left except maybe this one. Joe Theismann said they’d go undefeated. Hmmm, now the Giants are favored. But the G-men are without a lot of guys due to injury. We’ll see. It’s in the Meadowlands, though, so that pushes me over.
PANTHERS (-9.5) over the Bucs. Panthers at home. Bucs with Bruce Gradkowski at QB. Wheeeeee!!!
